I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
