'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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