member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
