I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
