I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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