So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
