Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
