If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
