The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
