we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
