Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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