I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
