Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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