he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
