she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
