In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
