I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
