Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
