When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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