The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
