Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
