Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
