Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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