508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
