Pappa wants mamma naked
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
