jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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