I'm really into asian looking animals
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
