you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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