So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize