Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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