Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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