i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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