The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
