so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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