i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize