I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
