Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
