Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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