Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
