i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
