Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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