Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
