There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Alive.
So much puke
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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