i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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