Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
