I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
