Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
