i may or may not be watching the land before time
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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