you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
