i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
