This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
