He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
