my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
