i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
