I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she smelled like a LAN party
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
