I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
