SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
