every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
