Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
