oh god the rape fog is back!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
