Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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