There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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