the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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