PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
