You just made me feel so damn special
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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