sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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