I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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