things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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