i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
