All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
