he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ttyl tear gas
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
