Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
