Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
