i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
