I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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