one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
