it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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