I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
