everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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