Porn is love you can see.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
